Airports, Customs, and Things
I just returned from a quick trip to London. Since it was so short, I’m currently lost in jet lag limbo. At this point, my body is so confused that it’s like, “You know, f&%$ it. Instead of sleeping a normal amount of hours, I’m going to do something resembling a cross between narcolepsy and extreme intoxication.”
I have many, many photos from the trip, so I’m just going to start from the beginning. The beginning, naturally, started with airports. This year, I’ve resorted to driving a lot due to various things like not planning more than 12 hours in advance and not wanting to adhere to strict departure dates. However, it’s rather difficult to cross the Atlantic by car, so I broke my rule of planning to not plan and bought a plane ticket a whole 5 days before the trip. Good for me.
I don’t mind flying. I grew up around planes, and I’m perfectly comfortable navigating an airport and sitting on my ass with my knees wedged somewhere up around my ears. Unfortunately, many people do not know how this form of travel works, and it is these people that make flying a nightmare. Seriously, people, follow a few rules of etiquette, and I will resist the urge to strangle you with your cute little neck pillow.
At the Gate: Please tell me why you all need to herd around the ticket checker the moment boarding is announced. Most airlines have a boarding order and assigned seats. Also, we’re all going to end up at the same place. I know that planes only have so much room in the overhead bins, but if there is no room, you can pick up your stuff at the gate when you deplane at your destination. Just pack your survival gear in your “personal item” that fits nicely under the seat in front of you. Yeah, stuff occasionally gets lost, but seriously, you all look like a bunch of overeager jackasses squabbling for a Tickle Me Elmo.
Boarding: I might not be so bitter about the boarding process, if the same people that were completely adamant about getting on the jetway to only wait in another line, weren’t the same people clogging up the aisle once on the plane. Put your stuff where it needs to go and sit down. Once the aisle is free, stand back up and rummage through your bag to find your fuzzy socks, snuggie, and pre-packed sandwich.
Inflight: I don’t really care what you do on the plane, as long as you don’t decide to abruptly recline your seat the moment my food tray/drink is delivered. I know some people are strongly against reclining the seat, but I’m not really in that camp. You can recline your seat all you want, just do it slowly. Also, shower. The soft flow of air generated by a smelly person walking to the lavatory is less than ideal.
Finally, after reading some travel stuff, it was brought to my attention that farting in the air is a hot topic. Some people say to pass your gas in the lavatory, and that might be a good idea. However, let’s be honest, flying makes you more full of air than normal. Plus, planes are loud, so it’s really easy to be discrete. I say go ahead and crop dust your neighbor, if it is without smell. If it is not, hmmm. Sucks for your neighbor. (Not really serious about this, you gross, farty person.)
That’s about it for me.
Now, customs. WHY is the walk to customs always similar to speed walking a 5k maze after a 9+ hour flight? Is it to weed out the directionally-challenged people from entering the country? By the time I actually make it to the passport check, claim my bag, recheck my bag if needed, and make it out of the customs area, I’m usually sweaty and contemplating crawling the remainder of my journey. Heathrow was something like this, no exaggeration:
Chicago is not much better. Neither is Dallas or [insert airport here]. To make the return trip even more fun, a wheel fell off my bag in the South Kensington tube station. I kind of feel like I was hit by a bus today.
Enough for now, actual London stuff to come!
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My favorite part about flying is the rush everyone suddenly gets into when you land. You could be in row #100 and the cotton tops that held up the entire flight by: herding around the gate, losing their ticket, taking an hour to board, jacking around in the aisles, and then trying to cram their overstuffed bag into the overhead compartment are now SUDDENLY ready to run off the plane. They stand up, get their overstuffed bag out of the compartment (10 rows behind them), hit you with their bag…and most offensively, act like they were in a hurry in the first place. Never mind, that they were the reason the flight took off 10 minutes late and you now missed your connecting flight. I could go on and on…
On a side note: The Dallas airport is one of my favorites for people watching. Lots of big hair and leopard prints.
Leave leopard prints alone.
I know some people are strongly against reclining the seat
With you on the not reclining abruptly but airline seats are not always smooth and easy to operate. As for people not liking other people reclining, they can suck it up, the seats were made with that feature….
I say go ahead and crop dust your neighbor, if it is without smell.
How can you tell if it is going to be a “swifty but nifty” or a “violent but silent” until you have unleashed the monster and everyone around you is retching
By the time I actually make it to the passport check, claim my bag, recheck my bag if needed, and make it out of the customs area, I’m usually sweaty and contemplating crawling the remainder of my journey. Heathrow was something like this, no exaggeration:
I checked the route you mapped out and can confirm that if you had taken a left immediately after immigration you could have saved at least 3 miles…..