Rambling Brooke

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Happy Birthday, Katie!

March 4th, 2010 · Family, Misc.

My sister’s 25th birthday is today.  So, in honor of that, I’m going to reminisce…

1.  ”What the F&*^ Are You Wearing?”

  1. I dressed you.  Sorry.  But!  You could have stopped me…
  2. Okay, Sherlock Holmes…
  3. Wearing gloves to play in the refrigerator is smart, but you lost all credibility when you chose to forego pants.
  4. Okay, we do have an excuse:  How are we supposed to learn the intricacies of fashion when our mother is wearing those glasses?

2.  ”What the F&^* Are You NOT Wearing?”

  1. Slut.  I am mooning the camera.  You are seducing it.
  2. Diva.  Just go to the bathroom.  You don’t need ice cream to relieve yourself.

I just discovered this, and I am irritated.  Why did you get to be in Dad’s catalog?  I mean, I know I didn’t have any hair until I was 3, but this is just ridiculous.  Whatever.  What I lacked in hair, I made up for with brain.  You were an idiot:

  1. “I like to play Notanto.”  Oh, really?  If you were that engrossed in “Notanto”, you would have seen the name “NINTENDO” written on that lovely controller you drew.
  2. “I like to Dasa.”  What?
  3. “I like to save the Erhe.”  Erhe?  Is that some city in Germany?  I’ll give you a break here, though.  You liked to save the “erhe” before saving the “erhe” was cool…But, then again, the “erhe” is upside down.  You lose.
  4. “I like to go srime.”  I’m speechless.  Where are you from?  Asia?  This is like an offensive parody…

And, just for fun….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  See you tomorrow!

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Signs of Spring

March 3rd, 2010 · Iowa

So, it’s March, and signs of a new season are everywhere.

Everything is turning green…

If, you look through green-colored glasses…

The trees are blooming:

In my dreams…

The snow is melting:

Because, the deck was power washed…

THERE ARE FLOWERS IN THE KITCHEN:

TRUTH.

Ask me again in July…

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Olympics

February 25th, 2010 · Family, Iowa

I’m sorry for the slow down in posts over the past week and a half.  I do have a very pertinent excuse, however.  I have been training. By the time I return to normal life, I am absolutely exhausted.  It’s hard work becoming an Olympic athlete.  Let me explain…

After watching the Olympics, I found myself becoming very angry and jealous.  I was angry at my parents, because WTF?  Why did they not sign me up for less-competitive events when I was, like, 3 and full of promise?  I cannot be held responsible for my lack of luge skills.  That is totally on my parents.  If they had simply placed me on a skateboard and pushed me down our driveway, who knows where I might be right now.  Alas, they did not, so I am stuck in Des Moines, Iowa watching people with, quite possibly, less natural talent than myself competing in the greatest sporting event on Earth.  Instead of helping me attain success as a bobsledder, luger, ice dancer, etc, they pushed me into basketball, soccer, and gymnastics.  Those were just not my things, and my parents should have realized that when I scored 6 points in two years, no goals in one year, and my feet were dragging on the floor underneath the uneven bars before I even hit a growth spurt.  My parents signed me up for the wrong sports, and that is why I am not living it up in Vancouver.  Assholes.

Anyway…

I’m getting older now, so many sports are out of the question.  I’m almost positive that I cannot take up figure skating at age 26, so I found a sport that does not discriminate against the elderly.  I have decided to take up curling:

I’m going to give those Norwegians a run for their money in 2014…

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This Winter

February 24th, 2010 · Iowa

The good news is, once this all melts (maybe, hopefully, by July), we might have waterfront property.  Bring your canoe and come visit!

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An Open Letter to My Brother

February 20th, 2010 · Family, Misc.

Dear Brother,

Telling bouncers at a 21+ establishment that we are identical twins is probably not the best way to finagle your way into a bar.

*The sad part?  It worked.

Either, I look like a man, my brother looks like a woman, or people are stupid.  I’m placing my bets on stupid…

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Iowa Countryside at Dusk

February 12th, 2010 · Iowa

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Inappropriate Pot Pie

February 10th, 2010 · Family, Iowa, Lithuania

When snow and cold settle in, uninvited, for a record-breaking period of time, creativity becomes paramount in battling intense boredom.  Days are simply filled with work, the often-precarious drive home, and food.  Add in way too many trips to the mall, Target, the grocery store, and, of course, the wine shop, and you can pretty much envision what my life has been like, in Iowa, this winter.  Exciting, I know.  But, friendships have been strengthened and bonds intensified, because in this arctic tundra of nothingness, people are about the only thing that keep you from going absolutely nuts.  This is the dichotomy between here and Lithuania.  In Lithuania, the people (minus V…mostly) were the crux in my journey toward insanity.  They didn’t ameliorate the depressing conditions.  They just made the grayness worse.  Or, maybe, in Iowa, we just embrace our winter-induced, boredom-brought-on (?) craziness, while V’s family took themselves way too seriously to admit to such a mental state.

Anyway, speaking of boredom, you will be glad to know that this post ends with an inappropriate picture of last night’s dinner.  If that doesn’t make you want to keep reading, I give up…

So, last night, at the tail end of our latest snow storm, I decided to cook dinner for my family and a family friend.  Or, rather, my mom decided that I would cook dinner for our family and a family friend.  She’s a brave woman.  I decided to cook a chicken pot pie, because my recipe is really hard….to mess up.  Our family friend called my mom before coming over:

Friend:  What is she cooking?  Tell her I’m allergic to whatever it is.

…

Mom (to me):  He says he’s allergic to what you are cooking.  Pretend like you believe me.  When he walks in, exclaim, “I didn’t know you were allergic to peas!”…

Me:  I have a better idea.  I’m going to make his piece special.  I know he’s not allergic to this….

{Click below.  I know the suspense is killing you.}

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